“They call it ‘The American Dream’ because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

Whenever my dog used to smiled like that, he was two seconds away from puking all over the carpet. Which makes sense here, considering this good doggo is being compared to that Nosferatu.

“You shouldn’t have said that. Now, everyone’s laughing at you behind your back. And there’s a spider in your hair.”

Ah yes, when i see Freddy Mercury or Magnum Pi, all i see is creepy redneck.

Balls.

“Food trends” kill me.

Mmmm! Know what goes really good on your bowl of steaming rat assholes? Cobwebs. Have you had your bowl of steaming rat assholes and cobwebs today?

She’s not American. They use different terms for things around the world.

E: ducking autocorrupt