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just_another_person@lemmy.world to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 5 days ago

Group Of Teen Girls Convinces JD Vance To Kill Himself

theonion.com

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Group Of Teen Girls Convinces JD Vance To Kill Himself

theonion.com

just_another_person@lemmy.world to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 5 days ago
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WASHINGTON—Lighting up his phone night and day with their cruel taunts, a group of teenage girls reportedly convinced Vice President JD Vance to kill himself Tuesday. “Everyone I know thinks you’re so gross,” 16-year-old Bailey Hayworth said in a video message she sent to Vance, causing the vice president of the United States to throw […]
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  • trashcan@sh.itjust.works
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    5 days ago

  • UnexpectedBehavior@lemmy.world
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    5 days ago

    The Onion used to be a place of sinister satire. Nowadays, its just spreading hopeful and cheery messages

  • Almacca@aussie.zone
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    5 days ago

    That would probably actually work on Musk.

    • LousyCornMuffins@lemmy.world
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      5 days ago

      “please stop bullying me I will give you a pony”

  • tacosanonymous@mander.xyz
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    5 days ago

    Ok, good.

  • mang0@lemmy.zip
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    5 days ago

    Can someone explain what this is satire of? Or is it just random?

    • wetsoggybread@lemmy.world
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      5 days ago

      Teen girls are notorious for bullying, mostly kids in middle school (ages 11-14 for non-americans) in general are terrible

      • mang0@lemmy.zip
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        5 days ago

        The onion typically bases their satire on recent political developments so I thought maybe he had shown to care about the opinion of teenage girls in a less extreme way or something similar. So in this case there is no actual deep satire and just being a bit silly?

        • lime!@feddit.nu
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          5 days ago

          typically? not really

          • mang0@lemmy.zip
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            5 days ago

            Maybe you haven’t realized it, but it’s most definitely the case.

            • trashcan@sh.itjust.works
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              5 days ago

              It really feels split to me. The local news section has always gotten to me.

        • GreenKnight23@lemmy.world
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          5 days ago

          technically Donald Trump has always been deeply moved by little girls. some say he’s spent countless hours with little girls behind closed doors and that he’s well versed in training them for obedience.

          others say Donald Trump is a pedophile.

          • moseschrute@lemmy.zip
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            5 days ago

            If only there was some sort of list

    • Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works
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      5 days ago

      It’s dark, American humor. Teen girls are brutal, and legitimately have led other teen girls to suicide.

      This country is so fucked up.

      Edit: This was quite funny, though. Again, dark humor haha.

    • burgerpocalyse@lemmy.world
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      5 days ago

      the onion doesn’t always have to be prescient philosphizers, sometimes you can just make a joke about a terrible person killing themselves

  • IndiBrony@lemmy.world
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    I’m sure this would be real if some of us got a chance, tbf

  • 800XL@lemmy.world
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    5 days ago

    If only. Fuck JD Vance

  • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
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    5 days ago

    Just call him Pope Francis and it might happen

  • PastafARRian@lemmy.world
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    5 days ago

    I wish he was that sensitive. Trump and Musk, sure. Vance is the smarter, worse type of Republican imo.

    • Ghyste@sh.itjust.works
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      He isn’t terribly smart. Just not quite as stupid as Donnie.

      • AeonFelis@lemmy.world
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        5 days ago

        The bar is not that high. You just need to stop digging when the shovel is still in usable condition.

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