Friendly reminder, wiping your arse with dry paper is not sufficient to clean it following a dump run.
A bidet (european style) is best.
no itchy/smelly bumhole ever again
Bidet crew checking in.
Mines got hot water. I don’t mean that it’s got a pipe for hot water, and you have to wait forever for it to warm up. I mean it’s got a water heater built in. And a heated seat. And a hot air blower… dryer? Butt hair dryer? It’s nice, especially in the winter.
Clean your butts, people
what brand? i tried a biobidet and was horribly disappointed with the water strength compared to my cold non electric
The vivohome with knob, not remote.
Pressure is great, too much actually, depending.
I got it because it was the cheapest one with all the features, and in fact is even cheaper now than when I bought it.
It’s been going strong for 3 and a half years now
I’ve got a cheaper, tap-cold only version (mainly because that’s the easiest to install without running new plumbing or electrical in that particular location). Honestly the cold water isn’t so bad. It can even numb things up if you’ve been dehydrated and launched a particularly stressful cannonball.
Having tried simple bidets in both warm, cold, and neutral-ish climates, I find that cold water bidets seem to stiffen the poo bits and make it hard to actually get them off your butt esp since they stick to the hairs. You and I might be talking about different levels of cold, though.
A cold Bidet booty blast in the morning will wake you up better than a cup of coffee.
So you know that ice cold water sprayed into your ass can give you brain freeze, right?
😂
I use a portable bidet. It is a rubber squeeze bottle. I use it to wash my asshole and a little toilet paper to dry.
The thing paid for itself many times over in toilet paper saved.
I like the idea of a bidet anywhere I go, as I feel like a literal disgusting caveman when I can’t use one.
But I feel like a portable one used in a public restroom would make me want to deep clean it every time I use it, and you kind of can’t in public. Also what’s it like to sneak it into a restroom discretely?
It is literally a small bottle with a folding spigot thingie. I do clean mine with soap and water every once in a while, but it is kinda hard to get dirty.
A shower with soap is best, preferably after a different method. But whatever it’s your house, you can shit direct to shower if you like.
If you got poop on you anywhere else. Dry wiping it would not be sufficient. Rinsing it off and patting it dry would not be sufficient. You would wash with soap.
That said, I have a bidet I use some of the time and plain old TP the rest of the time.
yup, i sit on the edge of the batch and get it with warm water and shower gel usually
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For some reason I am offended that you used a / between itchy and smelly implying that it will be both.
if there is poo left there, it will be both
It absolutely can be both
A proper diet would also help. Failing that, I just take a shower right after, as you put it, a dump run.
Every time I see this pop up, I’m reminded of this chair I saw once at my old place of employment.
spoiler
Nooooooo
Guys like this get girlfriends and yet I’m still single.
I know. Straight girls cannot have standards. Or need to fetishize awful shit. Or die alone.
Edit: to be clear, this is because men are fucking horrible. Straight girls are tragic figures here. I hope someday we find a cure for heterosexuality, for their sake, and the incels.
I…what?
A cure for hetero. Imagine if you could casually hook up with any of your similarly cute friends. And also intuitively understamd the plot of anything made by hideo kojima.
Dude, heterosexuality isn’t some kind of disease that needs to be cured. I would take intuitive understanding of Kojima’s plots, though.
It wouldn’t be some kind of disease if men didn’t generally suck so badly. Instead we need to invent the bisexuality gas.
Dude was wiping down his chair more often than his ass.
Well yeah. Wipi g your chair isn’t gay.
is it gay to slip a finger in when the tp breaks? asking for a friend.
Why stop at just one?
Septic masculinity
Even once is more often than never.
eating shitty food and farting all the time and not wiping your ass properly are probably the culprits so yea better hygiene
But… How the fuck is it getting on the chair? Sitting there naked and grinding it in!?
The part not seen here is that the guy hadn’t showered for over a week “because CSGO2 just came out”.
If it’s fabric then the smell will permeate into it and stay there. Certain things like vinegar and baking soda might get rid of or lessen smells though.
Get the cheapest vodka and a spray bottle, works great on all upholstery smells
Farting while sitting on it would be my guess
You know it smells bad when body-pillow comes alive to complain.
I guess he forgot to scratch his back as well
OP should ditch their imaginary girlfriend for another one less annoying.
80% chance it’s actually his mom who’s complaining.
Better be careful to not break both his arms
LMAO
That is savage AF!!!
I’l been sitting in the same (mesh) chair for >15yrs (Aeron) and have no such problem. That the OP’s response to the GF’s complaint is anger says more about them than they intend.
I think we’re witnessing a murder after the fact
edit idk which way tho
I could understand if it smelled like swamp-ass (sweat) from sitting there too long, especially in a chair made of faux leather, but it shouldn’t smell like poop.
Wow really judgemental community here
Clean your ass!
The trick is to wear clothes when sitting in it.
Even sitting naked shouldn’t smell like fecal matter…
With enough farting, it probably would.
Those Must be the smelliest ones on the face of the earth
Or have a chair napkin if you’re gonna insist on being naked
Now that’s going too far
Exactly, also faux leather is my bane that stuff is the worst. The texture is awful
I have a real leather chair, but a spandex cover because I’m a sweaty boi and like to sit cross legged.
It really makes my anus sweat
TBH I don’t know what that smell is but if it’s related to sweat and ass fluid then cleaning should be fairly simple:
-
Start with a 70% rubbing alcohol, set the chair on its side and soak then compress / scrub, this step should ensure no bacteria remains and that it dries very quickly for the next steps. You don’t have to rinse alcohol, it evaporates quickly.
-
Next we’re going to try to counteract gastric and/or uric acids, which is to say hydrochloric acid, by scrubbing with washing soda. If you don’t have access to washing soda then you can either use baking soda directly or turn the baking soda into washing soda by dehydrating it in the oven. Scrub with and rinse out the soda with water.
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Final step, to counter any other contaminants, rinse with some amount of acidic cleaner such as vinegar. This will also help remove any soda from the previous step. Rinse out all of the vinegar with water, it does not evaporate.
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Dry in a very warm place with lots of airflow.
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Wash your ass with soap.
I suggest a small alteration:
Start with 70% rubbing alcohol, set the chair on
its side and soak then compress / scrub…fire.Buy a new chair.
Wash your ass with soap.
Ah yes, the GOP solution.
No, that would be telling you that the chair stinks because you haven’t rubbed ENOUGH shit into it and big clean is just trying to swindle you out of your money.
What I’ve described is the revolution solution.
You sure about that? Burning the chair and buying a new one checks the GOP boxes:
- More consumerism
- Less environmentally friendly
- Pointlessly destructive
The only thing missing is the big chair company going to your fundraisers and paying you to make people burn their chairs.
Ah I see. You weren’t making an allegory, you were being direct.
Sorry I didn’t mean to pique your ideological perspectives by suggesting to burn a chair from a totally different thread as a joke.
Worked at vet office, anything like urine or feces must be rinsed off thoroughly or it will smell. Obviously soap is needed too. Enough water and soap will get rid of it, although other cleaners incl enzymatic ones will work faster. No matter what, all that cleaner and soap has to be fully rinsed or it’ll still smell.
He should powerwash it outside or at a carwash. Or, if in an apartment he could rinse it for a while in the shower.
Rincing vigenar might be useful so the chair doesn’t smell equally bad again
It was implied that alongside cleaners would be rinsing, except for the alcohol, but I guess expecting the readers to have ever cleaned in their lives was too much.
Always good to specify, you never know
If one leaves shit stains on a chair, don’t expect them to know this
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how the fuck a chair smells like poop?! Is he siting there without pants? Did he poop his pants in thr chair?!
5 bucks says he doesnt wipe his ass after shitting, or wash his ass in the shower, so has a perpetual skidmark, possibly even full blown melted toblerone.
I hate the phrase, “full blown melted toblerone”. Thanks for sharing 🤣
I am glad to have, now, a permanant place of residence within the warehouse of your trauma. 💩
guys, need some help here. my gaming room smells like shit. like literally shit. the carpet used to be grey, but it’s brown now because of the smell. I’ve been wiping my ass on the carpet because I saw my dog do it once and it feels good. my mom has been complaining about the smell for a week now and is threatening to come clean my room. I can’t let her see the room because I’ve smeared my turds on the walls artistically for my viewers on twitch. any help to get the poop smell out, please! if I can’t get the smell out dad said he’s going to force me to get a job!
I didn’t know Asmongold was on Lemmy!
That thread was a total mixed bag of people trying to be genuinely helpful and ripping on the guy. It was something to behold.
People should not rip on the guy unless he is one of those “it’s gay to wipe my ass” morons. I have no idea how many, but some amount of people have issues with things like this; I know I did when I was younger. Slamming people should not be the first choice.
I agree with you, especially since he did ask for help. I have a feeling he was aware of what the issue was but was in denial about it. But, if someone were to ask me if I could sum up Reddit in a thread, that would be a contender if not the top choice as an example of what to expect. That or “what is potato”
I also judge this guy.
I also judge this guy’s dead wife.
I also judge this guy’s fake girlfriend
